Wednesday, February 6, 2013

High Tech

  • BigBoss: Do you have Executive's business card?
  • NewBigBoss_Asst: *scramble scramble through huge stack of cards Big Boss gave her*
  • Frau_D: Why do you need his card?
  • BigBoss: So that she knows his number. I want to call him.
  • Frau_D: We use the computer for that these days.

Bob Loblaw

  • CE: Okay. I'm going to practice the phones with you.
  • NewGirlReceptionist (O.S): Company?
  • CE: (into phone) Hi, it's Blabla McBlabla for Big Boss.
  • NewGirlReceptionist (O.S): Uh.... could you.... repeat that?
  • CE: It's CE.
  • NewGirlReceptionist: OH!
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
  • BigBoss: RUNNER! Time to go home.
  • Runner: It's too early.
  • BigBoss: What time do you want to go home?
  • Runner: Later.
  • BigBoss: (In my office) Bla bla bla. C'mon doggie, let's go find Runner and tell him to go home...
  • BigBoss: ... Runner left! He just drove past me in my car!
Monday, October 22, 2012

So sue me.

  • BigBoss: How come no one's ever sued Scott Rudin?
  • Frau_D: Because if you are an assistant, and you sue your boss, no one will ever hire you again.
  • BigBoss: That's true.
  • Frau_D: That's why you've never been sued.
  • BigBoss: That's not true. I treat everyone with love. OK I'm gonna go now, so you guys can get back to masturbating.
Friday, September 21, 2012

EVP simultaneously insults Frau D and Short Skirt while showing Potential Investor that he has no idea what he's talking about

  • EVP: You know, Short Skirt, Big Boss has been sending me all these emails telling me you are on fire, you are just killing it.
  • Short Skirt: That's great!
  • EVP: Yea, it's such an improvement from the beginning. That was rough.
  • Short Skirt: Rough? Why was it rough?
  • EVP: Oh, you know, your demeanor.
  • Short Skirt: My demeanor? What was wrong with demeanor?
  • EVP: I mean, you weren't even trained. Like at all. You were just put on the desk. Most people have like months of shadowing and training. (Frau D was hiding in her office fuming here.)
  • Potential Investor: Had you been an assistant before?
  • Short Skirt: Yes.
  • EVP: But not to Big Boss. He has his own set of idiosyncrasies.
Friday, September 14, 2012

To Hurricane *EDIT* TO TORNADO

*Edit* My bad guys! It isn’t ‘to hurricane’, it is ‘to tornado’

(V) 

The EVP and Art Director’s signature sex move, where they hold out their index and middle finger and make a swift, swirling motion, as with a hurricane tornado.

Eg. Bro, I was hurricaning¬†tordadoing this nugget at the club last night, …

Nugget

(N)

A hot chick. Possibly derived from a hot chicken nugget? Also known as a roper. 

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Napoleon Complex

  • Big Boss: *Some kind of inappropriate comment*
  • Short Skirt: Gross, Big Boss.
  • Big Boss: What are you, Napoleon Bonaparte?
  • Short Skirt: Why?
  • Big Boss: Because of the way you said 'gross'.
  • FrauD: That's Napoleon Dynamite.

TMI

  • BigBoss: Do you know what a pink taco is?
  • FrauD: A vagina?
  • BigBoss: YES! Short skirt just told me. I never knew.
  • FrauD: How did you not know that?
  • BigBoss: No one told me.
  • FrauD: It's because your wife is black.
  • BigBoss: It's still pink.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Tuesday, August 7, 2012

WHEN I GET REAL WITH MYSELF

hollywoodassistants:

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m57fs44wp21qgcra2o1_500.gif